Behind the face of a thousand smiles.
Interaction Design [ Digital.Imaging Artist [
EDWIN TAN [ 26 SEPTEMBER 1990.
Becoming stronger than ever.
Tumblr | Friendster | Myspace | Twitter | Facebook
Becoming stronger than ever.
Tumblr | Friendster | Myspace | Twitter | Facebook
since january2008
Saturday, August 22, 2009 11:59 PM
No one's home. So I had to get my own dinner. Thinking that I asked Dom for it, and than I remembered he might having family dinner. But from what I learned in the past few days, "don't think about what other will think of me" I just texted him whether is he having dinner with his family later. 35mins later, still no reply I texted him again saying that no one's at home so I will have to get my own dinner and 5mins later he replied. True, when you leave a message you can't expect the person to reply immediately. But most of the time, I had to text twice before getting a reply. Sometime I just wonder if it is a coincidence that when I text again he replied, or was it just because he ignored me and didn't want to reply but seeing me texting again he reply something. I have to remove these thoughts. I have to belief and trust him. Thats what friend do.
But I was pretty sad. As I went out to buy my dinner, I kept thinking. Thinking that he have had so many good best friends brothers out there already. Who am I to him. Of all his friends, I am definitely place the lowest. What am I to hope so much. I am scare of friendship because of the bonds we have with the school. I have a few "school" friend slowly drifted away already and lost. I am afraid that it will happen again, I know it will happen again. I'm afraid to lose anymore. I'm afraid of the future, I got no future. I just feel I like theres no one, again. I was about to get emo when the lift just jerk a bit and continued its pace down. Of cos I was shocked and I stop my thought about all of it. Its like a tap at my back telling me to stop thinking. Yes, I have to look at the brighter side (its just so dark in my world..) at least I have friend, I have Dom, I have Ili(yeah! thank for that very sweet message the other day). Theres so many things I want to do with a friend. Hanging out after school. Hanging out at his house or mine. Having lunch/dinner. Having small talks. Having big talks. Having private talks. Playing games, playing sports. Go shopping. Go cinema. Explore Singapore. Beat each other up. Okay maybe not much of the last one. Its like what Robin once say about a lyric. "Stop existing and start living" I have just been existing for my whole life even now. I want to live but I don't know how. I don't how to live for myself. I got no one and nothing to live for. I'm glad theres school, I will be stuck at home with no one, surrounded by the 4 walls if theres no school. Theres won't be anyone around. I like school, at least theres people there, at least I get to do something, at least i get to be with people I know.
To be honest and don't be upset by it. The people I know, they are like all girls. And I am sick of the "love" and "drama" of it. I don't know what its like to have a male friend. I don't even know how to be a friend of a guy. I'm nervous. I'm new.
Hais its just that. At the end of the day, I feel like I got no one again and I'm scare.
But I will try to keep in mind and won't forget that who actually care.
| Post