Behind the face of a thousand smiles.
Interaction Design [ Digital.Imaging Artist [
EDWIN TAN [ 26 SEPTEMBER 1990.
Becoming stronger than ever.
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Becoming stronger than ever.
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since january2008
Monday, August 31, 2009 11:58 PM
Today was pretty fast. Panel color, collaborated with Dom and Naazira. Trying my best to match Dom's line and Naazira's color and Dom trying his best to fit with Leonard and the color for me. It was good.
After school followed Dom to J8 to meet with JL and then eat LJS. Had some shopping, and happy chatting.
And when I came home. Saw my sister entering our doorstep and she said she won a Laptop in the lucky draw from her school dinner. How lucky!
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Edwin life as a challenge!
Wednesday, August 26, 2009 8:34 PM
So today. Meeting Dom and Huiqing in school at 8am.
So the usual, I will be calling Dom to wake him up. Guess what ultimate thing happened. I started calling him since 7am, continuously trying to wake him up until 8:30am+ and I stopped. Why, because my phone is on low battery and if I continue and he still didn't pick up. When my phone died I will be in trouble. If he call me back he can't reach me. So I start moderately to call him.
I reached school at 7:55am. Until about 9am, I went to that area. That area near the running track. That area where theres no one. That area where I hide away from people in school. At that area I think and think about stuff. Stuff that I don't understand, stuff that I want to understand, stuff that I want to know. I think about the "if" I know it will turn out different. "If" I'm there at least it will carrying on, I think about "If" I'm included some thing will just be stronger.
Moments later, Dom messaged me. Saying so many sorry, that he didn't wake up from my calls, sorry that he didn't come to school on the appointed time and he wanna treat me lunch. I know that he is truly sorry, and I know he is tight on budget, and I know that it is not his fault for being tired and wanting to sleep more. So I told him that its okay and he don't have to treat me to lunch.
At 10am. He reached the school. He told me that Huiqing over slept too and shes not coming. He told me that it got late and he don't feel like doing work. So we sat down and played COD4.
Afterward. He need to leave to meet some friends at 12:15pm. We left the area and got onto the MRT. He told me that maybe I should just strolled around Bugis.
Along the way something got me upset. After we reached Bras Basah I went around. Siting down.
He told me it will be done at 2:30pm. But only at 2:50pm he finally told me where he is so I go find him.
We went Marina Sq to lunch. Sadly he ate already, but it was nice of him to accompany me.
Than we went to find other friends at about 4:30pm which supposedly finding them at 4pm and they are gathering to discuss stuff which I don't seem to be included so I tried to occupy my mind.
At 5:30pm we left and I went home.
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Is what hat the panda is wearing
Monday, August 24, 2009 9:38 PM
Today. Didnt bathe. Bed head. Went to school.
I saw my dog's poo in the toilet which totally let me give up on bathing because I will have to clean up his mess before I do. So I just changed and went school. But I bathed 6 hours before hor!!
So as usual I reached M.321 and I sat there, waiting for don't know what. As I wanted to start doing Studio Project(SP) Dom came. We didn't chat or anything and than he began doing his SP. Okay I'm quite new to these friends thing, is it normal to start a day without talking? I mean in secondary school, the moment we enter the classroom we talk like nobody business. Okay maybe I'm wrong, some of us didn't really chat. So nevermind I just do my stuff for 'bout 2hours he told me he want to buy some of stuff to eat. So I told him wanna ask the other whether they want anything. After he asked like whole class, we went down. Bought Alvin's mac breakfast. His waffles. Then he conned me da-bao-ing food so later Alvin will eat with me. But then Alvin didn't, and he didn't accompany to eat! So I ate alone at the bench and returned to M.321 after I finished. Dom still have the cheek to Adium me " hows my lonely breakfast " irritating siol! Haha.
Than at 2pm he went to his YCK people. I had nothing much to do so I wondered around the classroom watching how Syukri they all having fun with their nonsense, looking at Fauzi's pocket-size sketch book. Than finally chat with YY and ShengYang, they wanted to print some stuff so I followed, bringing my sketch book along so afterward we can do work outside. It was quite fun lah talking to them, we played some silly games like cannot say "我"你"他" in our sentence. At about 5:40pm we went back to the classroom. Dom returned and I just basically sat there looking at his computer screen looking at his researched. 6+ We were about to leave and Kenneth asked whether we wanna join them to eat, some of them asked where I live and then said I can take bus 39 back home. They are going to some Jap foodcourt at Yishun. And so we went with them.
It was fun. Chatting and laughing and joking. I kind of feel like myself again, probably the me I think I am.. or not. But I enjoyed it lah.
Don't know whether others enjoyed too or not but I had fun. :)
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Saturday, August 22, 2009 11:59 PM
No one's home. So I had to get my own dinner. Thinking that I asked Dom for it, and than I remembered he might having family dinner. But from what I learned in the past few days, "don't think about what other will think of me" I just texted him whether is he having dinner with his family later. 35mins later, still no reply I texted him again saying that no one's at home so I will have to get my own dinner and 5mins later he replied. True, when you leave a message you can't expect the person to reply immediately. But most of the time, I had to text twice before getting a reply. Sometime I just wonder if it is a coincidence that when I text again he replied, or was it just because he ignored me and didn't want to reply but seeing me texting again he reply something. I have to remove these thoughts. I have to belief and trust him. Thats what friend do.
But I was pretty sad. As I went out to buy my dinner, I kept thinking. Thinking that he have had so many good best friends brothers out there already. Who am I to him. Of all his friends, I am definitely place the lowest. What am I to hope so much. I am scare of friendship because of the bonds we have with the school. I have a few "school" friend slowly drifted away already and lost. I am afraid that it will happen again, I know it will happen again. I'm afraid to lose anymore. I'm afraid of the future, I got no future. I just feel I like theres no one, again. I was about to get emo when the lift just jerk a bit and continued its pace down. Of cos I was shocked and I stop my thought about all of it. Its like a tap at my back telling me to stop thinking. Yes, I have to look at the brighter side (its just so dark in my world..) at least I have friend, I have Dom, I have Ili(yeah! thank for that very sweet message the other day). Theres so many things I want to do with a friend. Hanging out after school. Hanging out at his house or mine. Having lunch/dinner. Having small talks. Having big talks. Having private talks. Playing games, playing sports. Go shopping. Go cinema. Explore Singapore. Beat each other up. Okay maybe not much of the last one. Its like what Robin once say about a lyric. "Stop existing and start living" I have just been existing for my whole life even now. I want to live but I don't know how. I don't how to live for myself. I got no one and nothing to live for. I'm glad theres school, I will be stuck at home with no one, surrounded by the 4 walls if theres no school. Theres won't be anyone around. I like school, at least theres people there, at least I get to do something, at least i get to be with people I know.
To be honest and don't be upset by it. The people I know, they are like all girls. And I am sick of the "love" and "drama" of it. I don't know what its like to have a male friend. I don't even know how to be a friend of a guy. I'm nervous. I'm new.
Hais its just that. At the end of the day, I feel like I got no one again and I'm scare.
But I will try to keep in mind and won't forget that who actually care.
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Friday, August 21, 2009 11:59 PM
I think I pretty much screwed up today myself. Its all mis-understanding and I get mad then upset over it for 2hours30mins+
Glad part of it is okay now.
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Sunday, August 09, 2009 9:25 PM
To my friends who read and care,
Hey don't worry much about me. I am just got much down-er then usual recently. But no biggie. Cause, I have someone who I can lean to, who I can pour everything out on and who I can cry on. :)
Thank anyway. Especially you.
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Thursday, August 06, 2009 9:10 AM
Its a start of something new. I will never forget it.
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